Tonight, I heard that the neighbors are moving out. I have mixed feelings on this subject. Let me start by saying that for a year and a half, I’ve hated the neighbors. Note: I use the term “hate” rather loosely in this instance, it’s really more like they gave me something to bitch about. Let’s back up for a minute. My neighbors are 3 early-twenties, fresh out of college girls. And of course, their boyfriends, none of which actually live there. Two of them have been constant, the third roommate seems to change every three months or so. Why do I bitch about them? Let’s count the ways (reasons).
- They like to party, late at night, outside.
- They have way more vehicles than parking spaces and therefore create what is known as “the gauntlet” on our street. (The gauntlet is what I call it when there are so many cars parked on both sides of the street that I’m afraid I’m going to lose the one side-mirror that I still have on my car.)
- They still haven’t put any kind of covering over their living room window. (This has caused us to see at least two of them naked. Not at the same time, pervs.)
- They seem completely unaware that our houses are 15 feet apart and since neither of us have air conditioning, the windows of both houses are open and sound travels.
- One of them has “a possessive on-again-off-again boyfriend” who I’ve caught creeping through the bushes twice. (The first time, he was just knocking on her window but the second time he was definitely spying or something. Not cool… But don’t worry, I scared the shit out of him and made him go knock on the door!)
So, okay except for the creepy boyfriend thing, it’s mostly just regular old annoying neighbor stuff. The same kind of things that you have to put up with in any city, right? Right. That’s why I don’t really hate them. But like I said, they give me something to bitch about. (You know, cause I guess the news, work, housework, the bank, my car, bills, the cable company, general worldly stupidity and Sarah Palin don’t give me enough.) So… I really don’t want them to move out. Because to be honest, they aren’t the worst neighbors we’ve ever had. We’ve been here something like seven years now (maybe eight) and for some reason, that house just attracts crazy.
Several years ago, we got some squatters over there. Is that a PC term, squatters? I don’t even know if it’s spelled right. Is that a word? Anyway… we got some squatters. The turnover rate over there was like restaurant turnover. There were new people in and out of there all of the time. Some were really cool people and are still our friends today, others… well not so much. So, the house had flipped through several different sets of people in about a year and the people who had the original lease (remember, we knew some of them) didn’t even live there anymore. Was that smart on their part? No. Is this a story about the moral of that story? No. I digress… point: No one living there was on the lease. Everyone moved out except for this one couple who said they would take on the whole rent themselves. Everything seemed okay for about a month or so, and then the police starting showing up, a lot. I am not a big fan of opening my front door and seeing a squad car parked in front of my house. It’s just not something I enjoy. Even though they were here to see the neighbors, where did they park? In front of my house, of course. Was I doing something wrong? Probably not. Did it still look like they were at my house. Most likely. Have I mentioned the nosy, old ladies who live across the street? We’ll get to them someday. Trust me, they need their own stories!
And not only did the cops show up, they showed up over and over and over. The cops would park in front my house, and once in my driveway, and go talk to the people about either paying the rent or moving on. But I never saw anyone go to jail. Apparently, it is very, very difficult to evict someone in the city of Asheville. It is also very difficult to turn off the water, that is in your name, at a house where you no longer live, for the purpose of causing the squatters to move out. I feel some kind of human rights rant deep down in there somewhere, but I just don’t feel like it tonight. I’m bitching about the neighbors. Oh yeah! Back to the neighbors. Except that I’m not really bitching about the neighbors. Because now I kind of don’t want them to leave. Now I’m worried about what the hell we might get over there on the next go round. What kind of degenerate, axe-wielding, circus freaks of HORROR WILL MOVE INTO MY NEIGHBORHOOD!!! Oh yeah… wait a minute… this is Freak Flag Flying Asheville… that’s not a degenerate circus freak, that’s just a hippie/granola girl/river-rat/trust-a-farian/uppity/dready kid. I apologize for the unnecessary freak-out.
So… the moral of the story is that everyone’s neighbors suck, especially mine (but not really). Shut up and quit bitching about it. It could be a hell of a lot worse. The squatters could be at YOUR house! ACK!!
PS – I have rather a lot of hippie/granola girl/river-rat/trust-a-farian/uppity/dready kid friends and I love them all dearly and hope none of them are offended by that comment. You guys love me too, remember? =)