Road rage is a problem. It’s my problem, because I have it. Hello. My name is MamaGirl and I have road rage. I know, I know. It’s awful. I try not to let other drivers get on my nerves so much, but they’re all such stupid assholes! It really seems like everyone on the road has a “me first” attitude. Take the other day for example, this woman gets over right in front of me, I have to slam on my brakes to keep from hitting her, and then? She stops. She almost causes me to wreck my car (which is a piece of shit, but it’s the only piece of shit that I’ve got, so I can’t go letting other people wreck it up, now can I?) so that she can STOP right in front of me with her blinker on and wait to get over in the left lane. WHAT? Are you freaking kidding me? And then, when the traffic in the left lane moves forward another foot and she finally gets her car-wreckin-ass out of my way, I pass her and she looks at ME like I’M crazy! That might have been because I was screaming “What the hell are you doing?!” out the window, or it could have been because for the duration of the time that she was stopped in front of me, I was laying on the horn like there was a fire-breathing dragon chasing my car, or you know, any number of other reasons, I’m sure. Right?
And that kind of road rage paired with this horribly filthy mouth that I never have managed to silence, it’s a damn miracle that I haven’t ever gotten my skinny ass beat over it or worse. I did have someone follow me off of the interstate once. It was a road rage-meets-road rage kind of experience in which two somewhat-adult people (okay, it’s totally debatable how “adult” either of us were) were literally screaming obscenities at each other while going down the highway at 60 miles an hour. Yeah. That’s a moment to be proud of. A shining example of my big, fat mouth almost getting my little, bitty ass beat up. Somehow, I managed to get out of that situation, through some evasive maneuvering (Is evasive maneuvering even possible in a 4-door sedan? Probably not.).
So, the point is: I have road rage. It’s something that I really do try to work on, and when the kids are in the car, I come pretty close to spontaneously combusting from holding back the barrage of expletives that are trying to push and shove their way out of my mouth. Usually, I do pretty well, but not always. In fact, if you ask either of my kids who Mommy hates most in the world, they will answer, in unison, “People in cars!” How big of a problem that has actually become hit home for me one day when Mags & I were in the car. We stopped behind an elderly person who had come to a complete stop at a yield sign. From the back seat, I hear a little voice yell, “Go! You don’t have to stop here!” (clearly, we had been in this position before when I yelled this at someone else at this spot). Having not yet grasped the entirety of the situation that my five-year old was road raging, exactly like I have in the past, I delusionally (WordPress says that’s not a word – I beg to differ, I just used it, you understood it, it’s a word) think that this is a teaching moment for my daughter and I say, “They’re just being extra safe and making sure that no cars are coming.”Being far more wise than her mother, the five-year old reveals what a profound teaching moment that this actually is for me when she replies, “Wow, you must really like those people!”
The fact I didn’t yell at someone, who was doing nothing more than being cautious, completely shocked my daughter. Obviously, this is an area of my life that needs a lot more work. So, work on it more is what I’ll do. Just like I continue to work on all of the other things that I tend to screw up on a regular basis. And hopefully, my children will grow up to be well-rounded individuals who do not scream at other people in cars. Or permanently scarred from their mother’s insane rantings.
A girl can dream, right?